A reader has a question about breakups\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
===<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cJay I have a lot of neediness problems with girls. My biggest problem is getting over a girl who breaks up with me. I feel a lot of pain and have a hard time moving on. Any tip for this?\u201d \u2013 Ari<\/p>\n\n\n\n
===<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s always tough to lose a girl you care about. Our minds tend to trick us into thinking we can\u2019t live without them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Many times, the emotional pain is completely disproportionate to the time we\u2019ve spent with them. I know from experience it\u2019s not usual to become completely obsessed with a girl you barely know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The hotter the girl, the most likely this is to happen, but it can also happen with girls you weren\u2019t that crazy about in the beginning, especially if they\u2019ve mastered the art of mixed signals (aka \u201cstripper game”).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The first step to getting past this is realizing that your mind is tricking you, especially if you\u2019ve spent less than 6 months together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Trust me\u2026 she ain\u2019t that special. In fact, it\u2019s quite probable she\u2019s a train wreck in disguise and you just dodged a major bullet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But it\u2019s not easy to convince our stubborn brains to let go of the obsession. You\u2019re gonna have to roll up your sleeves and put some work in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Start by attacking the beliefs that support the problem (which is the same approach you\u2019d take when a client sits down in your hypnosis chair).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For instance, let\u2019s say you\u2019ve been telling yourself that the girl you\u2019re crazy about is special\/one-in-a-million\/perfect for me, etc. and that it\u2019ll be extremely difficult to get over her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Take the first belief (\u201cshe\u2019s perfect for me\u201d) and work on dismantling it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
List all of her bad habits and negative attributes that you didn\u2019t like but tolerated because you liked her. Remind yourself of all the qualities she was missing that you wished she had. Imagine how much worse things would have gotten 5 years from now if you stayed together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then start to list all the reasons why the breakup might have been a blessing in disguise and potentially saved you from years of misery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For the second belief (\u201cit\u2019s gonna be hard to get over her\u201d), I like to remind myself of all the girls I used to be crazy about but haven\u2019t thought about in forever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cLets see, there was my ex I spent 8 years with, the ADD girl from San Diego, that stripper I met in Tampa, the Dominican girl who didn\u2019t speak English, those 2 cuties who worked at my restaurant, the Italian girl who always forgot to take her bipolar medicine, the Arabic girl whose brothers wanted to murder me, my crush back in 4th grade who flaked on our roller skating date\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And on and on it goes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I can remember being completely nuts about all of these girls, telling myself how special they were and that I\u2019d never be able to get over them. And now, I can barely remember their names.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We\u2019ve all felt the pain of heartbreak many, many times, and we\u2019ve all eventually healed and moved on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Which means you\u2019re gonna get over this one, too, because she ain\u2019t that special. Your mind is just messing with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n