Someone recently posted this horror story on Reddit, which should serve as a cautionary tale. I would avoid reading this on a full stomach.
Ten years ago I thought I had the perfect life. Upper six-figure job, beautiful wife, clean house, two new cars, and a child on the way. My job made me happy and I was good at it, and the stability was great. My wife loved me for me and ignored my flaws as I tried to perfect them. In return, I adored her and we seemed to be the perfect couple. People would always compliment us, and talk about how envious they were of our relationship and everything.
It kept getting better. I kept getting promotions, the kids (now 3) were born, and we eventually moved from an ordinary house to an incredibly nice one. My wife was doing very well in her career (optometrist), and we took fun vacations every year. Again, I thought I had it made.
I don’t know how this would have prompted it, but in early 2015, I bought her a Tesla, for her birthday.
She hadn’t gotten a new car since 2008, and I kept getting new cars, therefore I surprised her. She loved it, loved me, and I remember spending that entire day just taking rides in it and figuring out how all of the gadgets and icons worked.
It was complete downhill from there.
I don’t know how that would have triggered anything, but in the months following, she became increasingly distant from not only me, but our children. My oldest (10, F) in particular, felt hurt by this and would often try to ensue conversations with her mother, in order to get her talking…
The first time I suspected that I was no longer her man of choice was in July 2016 when I noticed she was no longer going to yoga classes, but telling me she was.
We were on the same phone plan, and part of that plan was we could see our locations of our phones. I was routinely browsing the app one day, and noticed she appeared to be at someone’s house.
Since she had been irrationally angry that day prior to leaving, I didn’t question her about it when she got home from “yoga.” Instead, I chose to closely observe where she went during her “yoga” times. It would always seem to end up at the same house — a well-off neighborhood (probably a step above ours) a little north of town.
I was getting ready to confront her when I noticed that she had been returning to yoga again. During this period, she became incredibly distant, and hormonal. My entire family had noticed this behavior going on for over a year now, but I had had enough. I sat her down, and asked her what was going on. She gave me the cold shoulder, and when I questioned her about the yoga locations, she accused me of stalking, invading privacy, and being a “grade-A dick.”
That’s when I asked her: “are you cheating on me?”
Of course, the answer was no. What followed in the weeks to come was distrust, hatred, and plain anger towards me. It was clear she knew I had caught on, and was now trying to play the “I-can’t-believe-you’d-think-this” victim card. But I knew. I saw through it all.
When she finally admitted she had seen and slept with another man, that’s when I made my mistake. I forgave her. She told me she loved me, she loved our family, and in that moment, I believed her. I thought she could change. I was wrong.
We tried marriage therapy. We tried taking adult days. It seemed to work. We were happy, and she was genuinely having fun and it seemed like I had the old her back. I was relieved, this allowed me to pour more time into my kids and my work, and have less stress overall.
My business trip to San Diego (I live on the East Coast, USA) was cut short when my colleague fell ill, and our clients insisted that we reschedule. It was a hassle, but I we caught the next flight out, and returned home.
I’m not sure why I didn’t tell her I was coming home, but I just didn’t. Maybe I wanted it to be a surprise?
The only surprise I received when I pulled into the driveway was seeing a Ford SUV in my garage, and finding not one, but TWO men in my bed. With my wife.
This all happened yesterday. I’m finally putting it into words. My wife started babbling when it happened, desperately trying to explain. I heard none of it. I walked out of my room, went to the basement, and poured myself a drink. I could hear the men upstairs leaving, and when I returned upstairs, it was my wife sitting there, clothed, with a sad smile on her face.
She started talking, but I wouldn’t have it. I told her to get out. I told her to get out of my house. I informed her that I’d get her stuff to her by the end of the week. She tried to pull the “what-about-the-kids” bullshit, but I was just done. I’m sad, but not for her. I’m sad for my kids, and I’m sad for whatever poor soul she meets next.
I will fight hard for my kids, but my biggest fear is losing them. I know the court will rule incredibly in favor of mothers. I hope they realize that I’ve spent the last three years doing my best to mend a broken marriage for my family, and nothing has worked.
Brutal. One of the commenters said the issue was with the Tesla, and that no man should ever buy his woman an expensive gift (since it makes her see you as a “provider male”).
There’s certainty some truth to this, but context is everything. First, we’ll need to examine the behaviors (and frames) he displayed in his relationship.
And while we have little to go on, we can infer from the marriage counseling (and the years he spent trying to salvage things) that he’s a clueless “nice guy” who considered himself lucky to have landed this woman.
He most likely believed that you can keep a woman in love with you by being the bestest husband ever (e.g., providing for the family, buying expensive gifts, being a good dad, etc.).
But what he didn’t understand is that gifts, favors, and an overall desire to make a woman happy won’t make her love you more. While these behaviors are revered by society, they do nothing to enhance romantic love.
At best, buying your girl gifts won’t hurt you; but they won’t ever help you.
To make a woman feel that SHE is lucky to be with YOU, you’ll need to display a very specific set of behaviors in your relationship.
Much of this is taught in my Seduction Mastery Program (never released, but some of these videos are available in the bonus section of Mindvana Gold). Much more is taught in Mindvana. And the final piece will be taught in my soon-to-be-released “Falling in Love Protocol.”
Unfortunately, you won’t always be able to stop a woman from engaging in bad behavior (especially if you choose the wrong girl), but you’ll always have a choice in how you address it. And as sucky as it is, sometimes the only correct move is walking away.
In my opinion, this guy’s biggest mistake was not immediately kicking his wife to the curb after her initial confession. Women can easily forgive a man for cheating, but they’ll never forgive a man who forgives THEM for cheating.
If you give them a second chance, they’ll lose what little respect they still had for you and more bad behavior will soon follow.
And while there’s always a risk that a woman will put you in this no-win situation, there’s 2 things you can do to drop the chances of this to near-zero:
- Always act like YOU are the prize in your relationship (and make sure all of your behaviors reflect this attitude).
- Give her the best se-x she’s ever had (and continue to keep her se-xually addicted to you).
When it comes to romantic relationships, there’s no such thing as unconditional love. Your woman’s feelings for you need to be managed and intensified over time.
But gifting your woman with a car to make her love you more is like watering a plant with Mountain Dew. Good intentions aren’t enough; you need the right “gift” for the job.
And you need to keep gifting her this gift until she realizes that YOU are the one true gift she can’t live without.
Luckily, this is a skill that any man (who’s not lazy) can learn right here:
Ciao for now,
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