I had a minor mishap on a plane this week that can be considered both a cautionary tale and an excellent example of one of my most useful “relationship management” strategies.
I was flying to see a new girl I’d been chatting up for a few weeks now. Everything was going well between us so far, which meant that chaos was lurking right around the corner.
Because where there’s girls, there’s drama.
I don’t remember the specifics, but I may have mentioned my plans to also spend time with other “friends” during the trip, which prompted her to lose her marbles and tell me to go f myself via whatsapp.
Since I was due to land in less than 2 hours, my brain immediately snapped me into “gotta fix this” mode, where a guy says to himself:
“If I make my points clearly and concisely, then the frantic female will most certainly see the folly of her ways. I must now assuage her rage with an epic array of persuasive sentences.”
But right before I could switch on my million dollar mouthpiece, the internet on the plane dropped out, shutting down all communication between us.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t the least bit rattled.
But, in retrospect, it was divine intervention because “gotta fix this” mode is one of the worst modes to be in when dealing with women. And this is because their anger shuts down their ability to take in new information, let alone see the situation from your point of view.
Instead of frantically running your mouth, the correct play, almost always, is to sit back and wait for their anger to dissipate. Once their emotional state has shifted, you can go back in and work things out.
It’s tough to play the waiting game, especially when your stomach is doing flip-flops and your brain is screaming “you need to fix this NOW!” But there’s nothing you can say that’s more effective than waiting for your girl to calm down.
Anyhoo, as soon as I landed, my phone started blowing up again. But now I was getting messages like “did you land yet” and “text me so I know you’re ok.”
And when I finally got to my hotel, I found her waiting in the lobby, desperate to apologize for her lapse in judgement.
Of course, the internet outage wasn’t the only helpful variable in play. We also have to factor in the social proof from other females just as beautiful as her, and the fear of missing out/losing to the competition.
But a big part of it was that I didn’t respond to her freak-out by saying something that would have looked needy or lowered my value.
So the next time you find yourself in panic mode, take a second to breathe and say to yourself:
“This doesn’t need to be addressed right this moment. Let me disengage so we both have time to calm down.”
Simple enough. But incredibly useful.
I’ll be discussing another quirk of female emotions tomorrow. Stay tuned…
Ciao for now.
-Jay
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